Divorce is a relief and a chance for a new life but it can have a ruining effect too. It will obviously ruin your family, and if handled poorly may seriously spoil relationships with your children. But this is not the rule for everyone. Instead, it is in your power to maintain a steady relationship with kids after divorce if you value them. Check out the common tips to succeed.
1. Stay in Touch
The very first rule is to stay in touch with your kids. You may move apart, have different families, separate lives and schedules. But as long as you stay connected, you have the possibility to nurture your relationships.
The live meetings work the best way. If you have visitation rights, never ignore them but see your kids as often as possible. In other cases, keep in mind the one-call-in-a-day rule. Video call is preferred but voice call will do well, too. Your children will feel your presence, feel that you care, and you will keep your ties strong as a result.
2. Be Present in their Lives
You may have a busy life. Considering you have recently dealt with divorce in New York online, you may have a list of rearrangements and challenges to deal with. But this is not the excuse to vanish from your children’s lives after you move apart.
Pop up here and there for them to see you and feel your presence. Apart from visitation time, attend their extracurricular activities, visit celebrations and birthday parties, and peep in to say hello when you are in their neighborhood. But first talk it out with your ex, so that your sudden emergence doesn’t cause any stress and turbulence, instead.
3. Respect Your Ex
The best way to spoil relationships with your kids is to disrespect your ex. You are both their beloved parents and your children won’t bear a bad attitude toward any of the parents. Don’t black moth your former partner in front of the kids, don’t transmit any messages towards your ex using children, and don’t nose about your former spouse when talking with children. Even if you tell kids about divorce or discuss any touchy topics, you’d better use a neutral tone or talk about the issue in a positive way.
If you do the dirty talking and kids don’t like it. They may even not tell you anything but stop trusting you and break your relationship eventually.
4. Spend Quality Time
Visitation time is a great chance to maintain a good relationship. It is great if you use every period with your kids to the fullest. Just don’t go to extremes. Don’t become a Disneyland parent by buying lots of presents, attending all possible entertainments, and ignoring any discipline rules when you are together. As well, don’t turn visitation times into a dull routine.
Spend quality time together. Choose activities you both like and may have fun together doing them. But don’t forget about each other’s duties, like school homework, household work, etc. Combine what is pleasant and useful and you will succeed.
5. Be a Good Listener
Let your children talk and be heard. Become an active listener and show that you care about their daily issues and special happenings. Show how important their life is to you and that you are concerned about their happiness. Don’t always try to give advice and guide them with your wisdom. Just show that you care and want to be there for them both in good and bad times.
6. Speak Good Words
While black mouthing your former partner and past relationships will move you apart from your children, good words will strengthen your relationship with a child. Show your support, affirmation of their choices and actions, encouragement, and adoration with good words. Don’t get tired of telling them how you love and treasure your children, but do it sincerely and they will never turn away from you.
7. Have Something in Common
It will be easier for you to maintain a strong relationship after divorce with kids if you have something in common. Think of a hobby or activity that interests you and devote some time to it when you meet. Set a new tradition like collecting photos or memorable items. It will give you a topic for discussion and activity to keep you close to each other.
8. Don’t Rush Changes
Your kids are overwhelmed with changes. With their family falling apart, different schedules and surroundings, relocation, changing school, etc., they count on you as the main stability in their lives. So your task is not to rush them into any other drastic changes. Try not to move far if possible. If you have a new partner, don’t hurry to introduce them to your kids, don’t force your children to make friends with the kids of your new partner, etc. Take it slowly so that you don’t ruin your relationships with unnecessary hassle.
9. Don’t Be Intrusive
When prioritizing protecting your kids from negative impacts after divorce, don’t overdo it. Respect their privacy and boundaries. Don’t press them with advice and mentoring when your children don’t need or object to it. Be patient, and caring, but not intrusive. You can easily push your kids away by your overprotectiveness.
10. Be Trustworthy
Be the person of your word. If you promise something to your kids, keep your promise and try to never let your children down. It is very easy to lose their trust, but very hard to win it back. Be careful with your words and actions not to fail your relationships with children otherwise, you may have never a chance to fix them. Be a person they may rely on in times of hurdles, and be strong and good enough for your kids to lean on.