Long-Distance Relationship Guide
The most common anthems for couples in Long Distance Relationships are “I miss you” and “I can’t wait to see you.” I know this because I’ve been in the same situation a couple of times. It’s not easy and usually ends up in two ways.
It’s either the couple learns how to make the relationship work regardless of the distance or they get tired and eventually decide, “We can’t do this.” Don’t get me wrong, Long Distance Relationship can be great and filled with everything you could ask for in a relationship.
The issue is keeping up with that and being able to make it work. It can get tiring sometimes when all you want to do is hold the woman/man of your dreams in your arms, cuddle with them and spend all your time with them.
Let me tell you an interesting story of a friend of mine who (after saying she wouldn’t ever be in a Long Distance Relationship) met a young man on the internet via online dating websites and she fell almost instantly for him.
He was half the world away from her but as they spoke day in, and day out, she was getting more and more convinced that this might just be “The One.” They talked about absolutely everything and knew almost everything about themselves even before they met.
They made plans to see them when he was on leave from work and they were both really anticipating it. Finally, he flew into the country just to see her and it felt like they had known themselves all their lives.
It was an amazing time spent (according to her). He flew back to his side of the world and six months later, she was on her way to join him and live with him permanently because they were getting married.
Now, this is one scenario out of a thousand that have ended due to long distance. Yours doesn’t have to end though. With the right information and guidance, you will be able to navigate your Long Distance Relationship with so much happiness and gladness in your heart.
It’s usually not the easiest way to be in a relationship but when you remember who you’re in the relationship with, I’m sure it’s darn worth it.
This piece will be giving insights into major topics that have got a lot of people involved in LDR worried and also help provide solutions that come with Long Distance Relationships.
You might think never in your life would you get involved in Long Distance Relationship because it’s insane, but the truth is you really don’t know the direction the wind of love will blow you! So, let’s get to it.
Long-Distance Relationship Problems
There’s no telling that no matter the situation you find yourself in, there’ll always be some type of problem. Now, the issue isn’t the problem but how you deal with the problem. We’ll take a look at some of the problems that exist within Long Distance Relationships and then, we’ll see how we can fix them to make the relationship work.
This is very common in Long Distance Relationships. Sometimes, you might just feel so lonely to the point where you’ll do anything to get rid of that feeling. And that’s actually quite normal.
It just simply means you miss your partner and you miss their presence around you. There are times when you won’t be able to reach them due to maybe the difference in time zones or having a busy schedule at work.
At such times, things you can do to revive the happy feeling you once had when your partner was present are revisiting old photos, rereading lovely text messages, watching videos of the two of you messing around or holding a gift that they gave you close to you.
It is possible that there are times when these may not be enough so, you can just go out with friends and have fun till your partner is available to communicate with you again. Do not find constant solace in any other person when you miss your partner because by doing that, you’ll be inviting trouble into the relationship.
Or Miscommunication, you might say. Sometimes, there might be too much communication and other times, there might be less of it. Due to the distance, it’s quite normal that you people will tend to blow up each other’s phones because you want to tell them everything at every point in time.
However, communication is key and should be balanced in the right proportion. It shouldn’t be too much or too small, just the right amount. Also, always let your partner know how you feel at any given time.
If you think they are doing too much and you’re not comfortable with it, talk to them about it in a subtle manner that’ll reflect the love you have for them. Are they hanging out too much with someone and they have issues with it, respect their feelings and stop it? No matter what it is, great communication between the both of you can solve it.
This is another common one. Because you can’t always see your partner due to the distance, you’re constantly in a haze wondering what they might be up to at different times of the day.
There are times when they’ll act in a suspicious manner and you’ll start doubting their loyalty in the relationship. It’s okay, it happens all the time. One way you can overcome this problem is by noting that they are yours and yours alone.
Reassuring your partner of how much you respect their feelings and will not do anything to hurt them goes a long way in dealing with issues of trust. Also, always keep your partner in the loop of where you’re going and what you’re doing, and with whom you’re doing it.
It’s about laying all your cards on the table for them to see that you have nothing to hide.
Trust me, time could either make everything better or worse, depending on how you use it. Being in the same city with your partner or loved one makes it easier for you to have time for them.
When long-distance comes into play, it’s another different ball game entirely. Getting caught up with work or trying to make other aspects of your life work could lead to miscommunication between you and your partner and this is a killjoy.
Creating time for loved ones, not just your partner, goes a long way in showing how much you love and care for them without you having to use your words.
Sometimes, you might have plans to talk to them at a particular time but because there was something urgent you had to do first, they might’ve fallen asleep by the time you call due to maybe differences in time zones or they were just tired.
To solve the problem of time, try scheduling time to talk to your partner, if you are in different time zones, plan away weekends, surprise visits, dates, etc. Invest your time in them.
Jealousy is an evil that lurks around every relationship, whether long-distance or not. The most platonic of gestures could send a million signals to you as a significant other and then, you start reading signs and meanings that do not exist.
If it’s your boyfriend’s secretary at work or your girlfriend’s male close friend, jealousy will naturally find its way into your mind. However, you have to always trust your partner enough not to do anything that’ll jeopardize the relationship you both are trying to build.
If you feel it’s getting you uncomfortable, talk it out with your partner and agree on something that works for you both. One thing you should never do is feed your jealousy. It’s a monster that’s never satisfied and will take you to any length. Be careful of your thoughts and trust your partner to do the right thing to keep the relationship strong.
How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work
Making the relationship work should be the main agenda of couples involved in Long Distance Relationships. Below are some of the top tips for making the relationship work and the bond between you both stronger and better with each passing day that you don’t see yourselves.
Manage your expectations:
Due to the fact that this might be your first time in a Long Distance Relationship or you have watched so many TV shows where love always won, your expectations might be a bit on the high side and so, you might want to put a lot into consideration before you even begin to expect anything.
Make sure you set ground rules so nobody’s actions will take the other person by surprise. There should also be clear communication between both of you with regard to what you expect out of the Long Distance Relationship.
Some examples of the ground rules are: Is it okay for the other person to sleep in the house of a friend that’s the opposite sex?
From communication on past experiences, how great is their commitment? Do they give signs of being ready for a relationship? These are very important questions that need answers.
Steer Clear of Implicating Situations
Sometimes, you might want to go hang out with your friends late at night by going clubbing or something and the thought of that might be displeasing to your partner who’s 1,000 miles away and is worried for your safety.
Before you take such actions, run it through your partner first and gauge their reaction. I’m sure you don’t want them going around and doing things you don’t like to do just because you can’t see them.
Don’t go out with that guy that’s been seeking your attention or that girl that just needs a cuddle because she’s sad. Respect your partners and don’ts and stay away from them.
Visit Each Other From Time to Time
Ranging from surprise visits to well-planned visits, visiting is a very important aspect of making a Long Distance Relationship Work. This is because, above all, the physical presence of you both is necessary.
Being able to touch, kiss, and play around, with each other is a bliss that cannot be described. So, if it’s twice every month or whatever time is comfortable for you both, do make certain that visiting is always on the agenda.
There’s no doubt that communicating regularly is the keep to keep any relationship, whether it’s a relationship with friends, family, or a romantic partner. However, the communication shouldn’t be too excessive because then it’ll become more of a chore than a thing of joy (and I know the majority of people hate chores).
So, you both should talk when you want to. If it’s just once a day type of communication, where you both talk at length and enjoy it, that works for you, please stick to that. And if it’s once in two days you both prefer, have at it.
You don’t have to be in constant communication 24/7 because you’re trying to make up for the distance between. At some point, it’ll get tiring and the flame will be lost. I’m sure that’s something nobody wants.
Spend Some Alone Time With Yourself, Family, and Friends
As much as you’d love to do everything with your partner, take some alone time to be with yourself, family, and friends.
Your entire existence shouldn’t revolve around your partner because there are other people who love you and want to spend time with you. Try new things and go to new places without your partner. The thrill of knowing you’re not totally dependent on them and you can be trusted with being alone by yourself is an amazing feeling.
Tips & Advice for Long Distance Relationships
Make use of technology
With the advent of technology and many applications for communication, it is now easier for you to utilize technology in talking with your partner no matter where they are.
Compared to the days when you had to write a letter and wait for weeks for a response, texting is easier and takes only seconds. Share photos, funny videos, FaceTime, new music, etc. with one another to keep yourselves at the forefront of each other’s minds. Keep communication alive by just doing the right amount. You have the tool at your fingertips.
Pick a Date
We all know that Long Distance Relationships can be very healthy in helping a relationship last longer.
Many people have done it and research has confirmed that couples who spend more than half of their time apart are in healthier relationships than those who stay together all the time.
However, it must come to an end sometime. Both partners should pick a date when the long-distance will cease and they can actually spend time together. This doesn’t mean that it’ll totally come to an end; they must just decide where the relationship is headed and where they want to be as they continue to grow it.
Make Rules and Set Boundaries
If you know what you’re doing isn’t acceptable to your partner, stop it. Or don’t even begin to do it at all. It’s disrespectful to your partner’s feelings when you go against what they already told you they do not want.
The setting of rules, and creating boundaries and limits to which you both can go, behaviour-wise, goes a long way in keeping the relationship intact.
Also, respecting set rules and boundaries is also important so as to prevent things like mistrust or jealousy, and fights. Don’t do anything you do not want your partner to hear about or see.
Stick to the Plan
When plans have been made you both have to make sure that those plans come alive. If it’s a date or maybe a plan to actually see each other, stick to the plan.
There should be nothing like a last-minute change in plans. Do everything in your power to make sure the set dates and times are adhered to. This really goes a long way in proving to your partner that they’re very important to you and you’ll go to any length to make them happy.
In every relationship, commitment is important. Be committed to making each other grow, to making sure you both become the best you can be, and also be committed to keeping the relationship sacred and alive.
However, the relationship turns out to be dependent on the commitment of both parties making it work. Your relationship is your passion and no amount of distance should stop you from following your passion.
Fuel it every day with more love and sweet actions and it’ll blossom into a partnership of a lifetime. Both parties have to put in the work to make the relationship grow.
Engage in Fun Activities Even When You’re Apart
There’s technology now so, this shouldn’t be hard at all. You both can play online games, take pictures and have a competition on who takes the best pictures, binge on movies together via video calls, go out on strolls together while talking to each other over the phone, etc.
There are a bunch of activities that can be done even when you’re miles apart and this brings the fun part into the relationship. It’s something about spicing it up and giving each other something to look forward to.
When It’s Time to Let Go of a Long-Distance Relationship
There are times when it gets to a point in a Long Distance Relationship, both parties get tired and just want to give up. And it’s okay to let go. This doesn’t mean neither party can give it another go and make it work. It’s time to let go of a Long-Distance Relationship when:
- One person is putting in more effort than the other party in trying to make the relationship work.
- There’s constant fighting over issues that could have been resolved with subtle communication
- One party seems uninterested in the relationship anymore.
- Communication is getting harder and harder to maintain
- There’s no trust
- One party has changed for the worst and the relationship isn’t what it’s supposed to be.
- The relationship feels more like a chore and emotional baggage.
- It’s always about one party while the other party feels neglected.
- If one party has to stop doing everything they love in trying to make their partner happy, it’s time to let the relationship go.
- At the point where neither of the parties is looking forward to seeing the other, the Long Distance Relationship has to come to an end.
Being in a Long Distance Relationship requires a lot of sacrifices, a little more than any other relationship. The result of your relationship is dependent on the amount of time and work you and your partner put in to make sure it’s everything you want it to be.