The Elusive Mile High Club: Everything to Know About Having Sex on a Plane
Oh, the Mile High Club. The cliché for some and the reality for others.
More often than not, having sex on a plane often seems better in the movies than in real life. In the movies, the protagonists probably travel in business class from New York to Paris and thus have a lot of time and a much larger bathroom to play in. Our reality? Probably a packed United flight from New York to Columbus with a few crying babies.
So how can you have sex, or at least do sexy things, with the realities of our situations? Pack your bags, snag your incognito sex toys, and read on my sexy reader. Here’s how:
Beginner: Take the Red-Eye Flight:
Apparently, the red-eye flight is the easiest flight to get frisky on. While you might avoid this flight like coronavirus, it’s a great shout if you want some privacy with your partner. Book a row at the back of the plane, but at least a few rows away from the galley. People tend to book seats at the front or middle of the plane either to get off quickly or to get that wing photo.
Whenever I’ve taken a flight, I have been surprised at how busy the front of the plane is compared to the back. You might even get a row to yourselves! Book the window and aisle seat to increase your chances of getting a row to yourselves. Statistically, nobody’s going to really book a random middle seat unless there really is nowhere else to sit. So once you’re on the plane, you hear ‘boarding completed’ and nobody is sitting between you, you can pretty much guarantee a row to yourself. If you’re rich, you could also book the middle seat… but I don’t know many people who have that kinda cash to splash.
After meal service, the cabin crew will probably dim the lights to let people sleep. As soon as those lights go down and the cabin crew pretty much disappears, this is your opportunity.
Pack a blanket and spread it over both of your knees. If you have a vagina, wear something with ease of access, like a skirt or dress. Then simply cuddle up to your partner. This is a great opportunity for some hand job fun. And thanks to the coronavirus, most airlines require passengers to wear a face mask throughout the entire flight. So even if the cabin crew does see you, they won’t be able to tell anything from your facial expression.
Advanced: The Classic ‘Sex in the Restroom.’
This one is a challenge to pull off, but it’s worth a shot just for the kicks, the epitome of mile-high club membership!
First of all, choose a time when the toilet is not likely to be busy such as during meal service. The added bonus to doing it at this time is that the cabin will be a bit noisier than normal, so if you do make any noise, you might not be heard.
Next, you need to create a scenario as to why you both go to the bathroom. Number one: you have a fight, and one of you storms off to the toilet in anger (this will require some acting), then the other partner chases after them to apologize.
Number two: This scenario is suitable for a couple that includes a woman. The woman goes to the toilet and waits for her partner. The partner ‘realizes’ that their girl has forgotten their pad or tampon, so he/she brings it to the toilet for them. Be specific about which toilet your partner goes to; you don’t want to be knocking on the wrong door. Once you’re inside, do whatever you want for a total of five minutes.
Why five minutes? The time limit will make you extra enthusiastic about making each other feel good, plus five minutes is an okay amount of time for someone to spend in the bathroom. Here are some sexy ideas for things to do during your five minutes of heaven:
- Fingering and hand jobs: Push your partner against the wall, kiss them, and stimulate them with your hands.
- Blowjob: Push your man against the wall or sink counter and get down on your knees to suck them off. Extra points if you channel your inner dominance.
- Standing sex: Lean on that wall and do the dirty … I don’t think you need me to tell you how.
- Breast and nipple play: Pull your partner’s top off and tease their breasts and/or nipples for the entire time, making them really horny. Continue with sex when you get to the hotel room after you land.
- Surprise your woman with Ben Wa balls: It might be a bad idea to wear these or remote-controlled vibrators when going through airport security. But there’s no rule about storing them in your bag and getting them out mid-flight for your partner to finish her journey with a bit more of a spring in her step. Tell her to bend over the sink counter, briefly put the balls in her mouth to moisten them and then gently insert them into her vagina. Push them gently into her flowering vulva and watch her squirm.
- Surprise your partner with a butt plug: The same as above, but this one can be used by all genders. Pack a butt plug in your carry-on (the TSA staff have seen it all, don’t worry). Then insert it into their butt in the toilet. This will definitely give them a dirty secret to go red over for the rest of the flight. Just don’t keep it in for too long.
- Dominate the f*ck out of your partner: There is nothing hotter than your partner suddenly ravishing you until you can’t help but moan. As soon as that bathroom door locks, leave your personality at the door and go dominant crazy. Own your partner. Hold their hands at their sides and tease them with your mouth, cover their mouth with your hand, cover their eyes with an eye mask, use a quiet bullet vibrator on them… the possibilities are endless.
Tips for Successful Plane Sex:
- Ladies, wear a skirt or dress for easy access.
- Bring a large blanket that will cover both of your laps and legs.
- Gentlemen, pack a tie in your carry-on if you want to 50 shades your girl.
- Be specific about which bathroom you’re going to avoid any embarrassment.
- Be quick in the toilet; only make it as long as it would take someone to go for a quick number 2.
- Act normal, and don’t overthink it.
- Instead of coming out of the bathroom one by one, just come out together. There will probably be people waiting for the toilet anyway, so the whole point of the delayed departure will be lost. You could even make a joke about joining the mile-high club; nobody will ever believe anyone will be that upfront about it.
Joining the Mile High Club is risky. A plane is technically a public place, so you could get in trouble if you get caught. Use your common sense, be quiet and act cool. Nobody will suspect a thing. Most importantly, enjoy!